Bucks County Herald – September 15, 2010

Chandlee Squirrel Story

Dear Friends,

Good morning. One of my favorite organizations is the State in Schuylkill, in Bensalem Township near Andalusia. Founded in 1732 on the Schuylkill River, the club meets several times during the year. The emphasis is on cooking and fellowship. My culinary skills are suspect as many of you know, but I do enjoy the camaraderie. The club relocated to the Delaware River in 1945 due to pollution on the Schuylkill River.

Some of my favorite stories have a genesis with this club. Its members are bright and cheerful…always full of funny stories. Over the years, you may have read several of them, like the story about the suburban Philadelphia beekeeper who drove her bee hives to Maine wearing a beekeeper’s protective clothing and hat. This lady from the Main Line was quite elderly but drove with a lead foot.

A New York state trooper stopped her for speeding but didn’t issue a ticket because the bees were buzzing around the inside of the car. The trooper didn’t want the beekeeper to open the window.

“Don’t roll down the window lady,” the trooper stammered. “Just slow down!”

Or, another story involving an unhappy Haverford resident who shoots deer with a paintball rifle. He became weary of the deer munching on his flowers and vegetables. The herd was not harmed but the deer have multi colored spots on their flanks. So do many of the trees on his property. Obviously, this fellow is not a crack shot.

Last week, my friend Bill Chandlee told me about squirrels with multi colored tails. I wrote about Bill a few years past. He’s a beekeeper too. A long time ago, Bill ordered a box of bees to be delivered to the Bryn Mawr post office. Although the box was marked, “Fragile, Do Not Drop,” employees had dropped kicked the package about until it split opened and the bees flew out.

It must have been quite a sight.

All the employees of the post office fled to the outside of the building while the bees buzzed around the inside. In a panic, the postmaster called Bill to come to the rescue. By the time Bill arrived at the post office, the bees had found the Queen bee and returned to the inside of the damaged box. Fortunately, the Queen bee was wrapped separately in the same box but didn’t escape. Bill simply retaped the box and left for home…with a big smile on his face!

No harm, no foul.

But what Bill told me last Wednesday just cracked me up. His neighbor has a vendetta against squirrels. He says that they multiply like rabbits and clutter up his gardens. Often he complains about hearing a stampede of squirrels stomping about his rooftop. They keep the poor man awake at night.

Mighty Betsy would be this neighbor’s natural ally. She shoots at our squirrels with a harmless BB gun. But MB’s accuracy is like the famous Annie Oakley of Buffalo Bill fame. MB shouts a Huzaaah when she hits one of the attack squirrels in the rump.

Bill told me that his friend catches squirrels with humane traps that do not injure or kill. Interestingly, the neighbor spray paints the captured squirrel’s tail and uses different colors for each day of the week: blue for Monday, red for Tuesday, yellow for Wednesday, etc. He takes the squirrel traps to Haverford College, several miles away and releases them.

Why does he use different colors? Bill says that his friend keeps a chart, which tells him how long it takes a Monday, blue tail squirrel to return home. I can hardly wait to meet this fellow.

I convulsed from gales of laughter when I heard Bill’s postscript. He said that he overheard two elderly ladies talking in a nearby grocery store. “I keep seeing squirrels with colored tails,” one told the other. “Have you seen them?”

As my friend Phil Miller often says, “It’s enough to make you weak!”

Sincerely,

Charles Meredith

PS. Richland Friends Meeting will hold a 300^th anniversary celebration of Quakers in Quakertown on September 18 from 10 am to 5 pm, shine or rain. The old meetinghouse and grounds are at Main and Park Avenue in Quakertown.

Here are some of the events planned for the celebration: crafters and colonial demonstrations with open hearth cooking; live art auction of renderings of the Great Oak Tree by notable Bucks County artists; William Penn re-enactor; honoring ceremony for the Great Oak Tree; planting and blessing of the Penn Treaty Elm seedling; Dr. Shelley DePaul, an expert on the Leni-Lenape Indians; story telling; children’s old fashioned games; food vendors; horse and carriage rides; strolling musicians and historical characters; and more.

I’ll have additional info in next week’s column.

I